I posted a question about this probably a few months ago, I seemed to have conquered it but now it’s back with vengeance.
A lot has happened since my last question, I don’t use the same shower anymore, I use a totally different bathroom.
About a month or maybe two ago, I made a verbal agreement with my parents that if I were to get a special showerhead (nothing specific, just handheld and not lo-flow, I have longer hair, and a standard showerhead doesn’t get my hair 100% clean) that I would use the shower in my bathroom, which I didn’t use originally, because it had a lo-flow head that didn’t get the soap out of my hair at all. Anyway, about a month ago they got me a really nice showerhead, and installed it. Now, I use the shower in my bathroom.
Now that that’s out of the way, I had some adjusting anxiety (I’ve suffered with anxiety basically my entire life up to this point) at first, but got over it and I got to the point to where I’d get in, shower, enjoy it, and get out with ease. Now lately, for maybe the past 2 weeks, I’ll walk into my bathroom slowly, get my hair all brushed, set my clothes down, get out everything I need for the shower, walk over, turn the water on, and I’ll start shaking. When I do get in, I’m okayish for the first few things, then I’ll suddenly get really shaky, my vision will blur, I’ll get a bit dizzy, and I have trouble breathing, which is all part of me being anxious. It’ll make me rush, so I’m not all the way clean, I’ll about slip and fall trying to hurry up, I’ll drop things, etc.
When I scare myself into rushing, finish, and get out of the shower, I’m shaky for a bit but then I’m perfectly fine, and I get mad at myself for rushing and freaking out.
When I get nervous, I immediately start telling myself I’m okay (usually in my head, but sometimes I’ll catch myself speaking out loud) and then I’ll tell myself to slow down, and I’ll peek my head out the curtain to get some cooler air and to look around, then I’ll continue, but sometimes it doesn’t work. It’s the dizziness that scares me, I’ll end up backing up into the backwall of the shower, or leaning against the sidewall and just sit there silently panicking.
For me, it’s getting ridiculous, because I know that nothing can harm me and I know that I’m not doing something I’ve never done before. But it’s really getting to me.
At one point I thought it was claustrophobia, but opening the curtain a little bit didn’t help very much. I also kept the bathroom door slightly opened to keep the bathroom cooler, so the steam wouldn’t make it hard to breathe, but no luck.
I need to stop panicking, I love my shower, and I would feel bad if I would scare myself into not using the shower, because my parents probably paid $ 50 for my showerhead.
Can I have some ideas on how to calm myself down?
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